Anyway, I moved into my dorm with 11 cans of ravioli, 2 cans of spaghetti, and 1 can of beef-a-roni. I know this, because I fucking hate beef-a-roni, and it must have gotten into my cans be mistake after shopping with my grandma. Anyway, I ate ravioli like every other day, and one day on the second or third week I came in and looked up at my Chef cabinet (‘cause this was the good shit, name brand), and it somehow looked bare. So, I counted and noticed that both my spaghetti and beef-a-roni were missing. Well, I ate one spaghetti previously, but I know that I didn’t eat the other two things. I kept quite about it, since I don’t like confrontation, and my Chef and ramen (which also started missing) were lasting me, so I was fine.
A week or so later, of my roommates came back into my room and asked if I had seen her bacon. Bacon is srs bsns. I had not. She asked around more and no one has seen it. She put up a missing poster on the fridge in a fit of passive aggression -which I liked - and from then on I knew that I was not alone in this endeavor.
Then, I decided to go shopping. I went all kinds of crazy since this dorm has a kitchen in my room. A full kitchen. I bought a bag of chicken breasts, turkey bacon, boxes of stuffing and instant potatoes, rice and noodle sides and more ravioli(the off-brand this kind because the earlier batch was from a fuck-awesome sale). I was all kinds of excited, but also, I was very cautious, since someone was stealing my shit. I though, “I’ll put my name on everything, in case no one knew before that my stuff is not communal.” And so I did. On every item I wrote my name in blue permanent marker and put everything away.
It was going good. That first week, nothing seemed to be missing. I was excited, thinking I stopped the thievery. Then, one night I came home from class and there was discussion in the kitchen. One of my suitemates (I should probably mention that I live with 4 other girls, 2 are roommates and 2 are suitemates) was missing chicken - as in someone opened her chicken and took like six pieces out. Yeah. Also, my roommate was missing something, and I quickly ran to my cabinet, and recounted my items. My teriyaki noodles were gone.
Another morning I was studying with a friend that I brought to our room, and I decided I wanted some of my spinach dip and crackers. So I went to my room, where I kept them on my desk, and grabbed the box. Now, in a box of crackers, there are three rolls of crackers. Three. And of course, I knew I ate one roll, but I did not expect only one roll to be chillin’ in that box. I voiced my concern about this, because it was in my room, but at this point, we had no one to blame, and so I blamed a ghost, since other crazy things were happening as well.
After the teriyaki noodle disappearance, I - and the rest of the room - made an effort to lock the front door. We told our R.A. and he informed the Hall Director, and by Fall Break (a nice extended weekend Thurs-Sun), they decided to change our lock core. I was excited, since the other lock was a bit shifty. So, new locks, and a hastily written note [you and I both know you don’t belong here, close this cabinet and go] I felt good enough to go home and leave my food behind. Although, another suitemate voiced her concern that it was definitely an inside job.
Meaning I trust these girls, but one of them is a liar.
Anyway, after this point, nothing was missing, it was out in the open and everything was fine.
Wrong.
Two weeks of safety, and then I decided one glorious weekday morning that I was in the mood for some turkey bacon. I had of course eaten some of it, so it was open, but when I looked in that freezer, there was no package of bacon. None. If bacon was srs bsns, turkey bacon was v srs bsns. When my roommate whose bacon was previously missing came back from class, I told her or my distraught. We had all thought it was over, but no. She checked her items, and someone had ransacked her drawer in the fridge, and taken some cheese and spilled olive juice on her apples. D:
Together, we compiled a note, and then a suitemate came in, and noted that the tray of wantons in the fridge was full the night before. Also, she had just bought candy (kitkats and reeses) the night before and it was now open, and some was missing. Speaking of which, the roommate who was working on the note, found a kit-kat wrapper at her desk and was like “what the hell”. She doesn’t like those. Also, the trash had been taken out that morning.
We had all decided at this point that there is one girl who does not check out: My other roommate. She’s been heard banging around in the kitchen at night, and my other suitemate had found her with food had cooked strewn across the kitchen early that morning, which she had cleaned up by the time that I got up.
(She is currently sitting across the room from me, and I’m a little stressed.)
This leads us to where we are currently. In need of an intervention, because this morning, I opened my cabinet, and I found a half-eaten muffin which came from my good roommates batch of muffins which someone had pigged out on last night since she was down from 11 to 4.
So this is my life. And I’m not sure what to do. I don’t like accusing people, but she’s highly likely to be it. I hope we figure this out soon.
I miss my fucking turkey bacon.
You are going to need proof, I would recommend you hog tie her to the chair and you electric prods until she confesses, or setup a hidden camera in the kitchen.
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